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D and I did something we had never done before. We watched the sun setting last night,
and rising this morning.
It was really nice, but I don't think the dogs would agree.
I think I heard growling, grunting and one of them mumbling something about "the asscrack of dawn..."
A controversial proposed bill to
prohibit gays, lesbians and single people from using medical procedures
to become pregnant, requiring married couples to complete a "home study," and petition the court for permission, has been dropped by its legislative sponsor. State
Sen. Patricia Miller, R-Indianapolis, issued a one-sentence statement
this afternoon saying: "The issue has become more complex than
anticipated and will be withdrawn from consideration by the Health
Finance Commission." 
In related good news, Inconceivable is being pre-empted for a re-run of Law and Order: CI. (hee...hee...hee...)
And some commentary: Katie Holmes, I hope you never suffer from post partum depression...
I have added some links to my typelists. These are mainly the organizations that I have personally researched and donated to. There are many more that need your help. Thanks to Julie for the heads up on what gets spent where. Very interesting to see how much some of these "charitable," CEO's make and how much actually goes to projects, not just administration.
Open Your Home is local to me and is looking for housing for evacuees and displaced citizens. 8,000 will be arriving at a local army base, in days. Hopefully I can put my three empty guest rooms and crib to good use.
This dog broke my heart. She reminds me of my Winnie. I'm thinking of fostering a dog, too. 
There is much unrest at Camp Labor, these days. And most of it doesn't even have to do with makin' babies. Also doesn't make for creative blog entries. And I had such high hopes for my old creative writing style when I started this blog. (sigh) Oh well, it seems like everyone else is having a slow posting season., too.
At this moment, D is in a meeting telling his project manager, that he wants to take his name out of the hat for the move to Europe. He finally received the formal offer (after waiting 11 months!) and not only is it break-even from a salary point of view, but the job description isn't what at all what he was originally told. He doesn't think he will be happy in this position, nor will it help him advance in his career. With the cost of living adjustment we would be living like college students again. And I don't have to tell you, doing a GC IVF cycle or adopting would be that much harder from another continent. So I guess I need to change the subheading of my blog...
The house selling is on hold, of course, while we wait for more news on D's job. I'm getting pissed, because even though his company will do a relocation buy-out if the house doesn't sell in a certain period of time, they want you to try and sell it first. All well and good, especially since buy-outs are notoriously lower than selling outright, if they would give us the go-ahead, but we're still waiting. Meanwhile peak house selling season is winding down before the school year starts. If I had my way, we would have put the house on the market back in April while I was just twiddling my thumbs waiting for the IVF cycle to begin. And damn-it we need the money so we can start the next IVF cycle!
And I threw my back out again. This chronic pain has really been getting to me. I'll probably need disk surgery since nothing else seems to be helping.
On a bright note, it is wild blackberry season here, and I've been doing some picking. Look:
They grow all around my subdivision! If I can stand the chigger bites, I may go out again for enough to make a few cobblers/crisps. Right now, I have enough frozen, to put up about 16 jars of preserves or about 8 jars of seedless jelly. My neighbor came by yesterday with a big basket of squash, zucchini and tomatoes. I am definitely going to miss these treats when I move back.
Thanks to Ellen at The Reign of Ellen I have a name for what I think is wrong with me: dysthymia, a type of depression. I have only had my mother's depression as a reference in the past. She was a mess when I was growing up: suicidal, hospitalized, valium addict, phychotherapy, the whole nine yards. Whenever I thought I was depressed, I shooed away the notion, because I wasn't at all like my mother. I didn't curl up in a ball barely able to function for days on end. I still got things done at least and had moments of happiness. Then I read Ellen's primer (read it!). Dysthymia, that described ME!
"Dysthymia is less severe than a major depression; people can generally continue along with their lives and stay on top of things. For this reason, some sufferers do not realize they have dysthymia for quite awhile. A common complaint is that they are 'just going through the motions.' Life seems gray and lifeless. Having fun seems impossible. Getting through the day with all its complications is usually all the sufferer can handle."
Yep, that's me. Actually, I might even have major depression since I have at least five of the symptoms. Now what to do about it. I am so used to doctors telling me they don't think its a good idea to be on antidepressants while I am trying to conceive, but guess what? Not my eggs or uterus anymore! So, I ask you...I've gotten along this far without them, should I just keep muddling through? Will everything suddenly seem rosy once I have a child? My gut feeling is that no, things won't. If I do want to try them, where do I start? Who do I see? I'd be lying if I said trying several, to find the right one, wasn't daunting. Also, my sex life sucks enough after trying to conceive for five and a half years, how much more is it going to suck if I'm on antidepressants? I guess I'm going to do something, because I'm tired of being under constant stress and feeling like I have a suffocating wet blanket hanging over my head all day. I guess I am my mother's child after all. Don't tell her though!
Here are some things that make me happy. The view from my deck. It also bums me out, since I will probably never have such natural beauty right outside my window, ever again.
And my dogs.
D has been gone a week and might be home tonight, if he gets a chance to talk to his HR rep. That would also make me happy.
p.s. Does anyone else have Explorer crash everytime they try to look at Tagebuch? See link at left, because apparently, I can't even add a new link to it anymore without upsetting Explorer. I haven't been able to check on Nathaniel's update for over a week. Hoping he is well and on his way home soon.
Yeah, I have a ticker. You wanna make something out of it? Ok, I know tickers are so, like 2004, but they have come into and out of fashion in the 18 months I've been waiting to cycle again, and damn it I wanted one! And I'm hoping it will help me keep track of myself. I'm always worried about P doing what she needs to do, that I forget I'm involved in this cycle too. So anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
P took her Lupron shot yesterday, under the supervision of her RN sister-in-law. She says it was a little tender. D says "Don't be such a candy ass!" To me, of course, not her. Jesus-gay, if she thinks the Lupron is tender, wait until she starts the PIO's! But I completely understand the first shot thing. I remember sitting at my kitchen table, October 22, 2002, staring at that little bitty insulin syringe, like it was a rattler about to strike. I think it took a full 30 minutes before I worked up the nerve to do it. What bothers me about P taking the shot was that when I mentioned the possible hot flashes and headaches, she acted like that was all news to her. Now I'm starting to wonder if she paid any attention at all to the nurses at the consult, or bothered to crack open the Endocrinology 101 binder they sent home with her. So many things to worry about. I feel like I'm going to have to quiz her every morning and evening about her dosages and meds.
She flew to Chicago with her syringes and meds today. I haven't talked to her yet to see if she had any problems with security. I guess I'll give her a ring tonight, to see how her first shot a capella went. 6 BCP's down for me, 10 to go!
D worked from home today, which meant that we really just ran around and did errands and stuff. He dropped me off at my massage therapist's for an hour and a half, then picked me up and my back was actually worse. Must remember to keep knees up when I'm on my back or that herniated disk is going to go straight to hell! Then we went out for a really fattening but delish cajun lunch. I had my braces tightened Wednesday, so having some solid food after two days really hit the spot. Then it was back to the massage therapist to pay him with the check that I filled out and forgot to give him. We dropped off the minivan that we were running around in, at Avis and picked up our car. (D rents cars for business trips, instead of flying, on a frequent basis, so I can load him up with household items for storage at my dad's, when we sell the house and move) We finished up with a hike around a new walking path near our house. The dogs came with us. Needless to say, not much work from home was done! If he keeps this up, he might even get lucky this weekend...
On a bloggity business note: I saw that I had two comments, today! Yeah! I read your blog, too! Of course I'm a better lurker than poster, but I read it. I think I'm a little more comfortable with posting now that I have this blog. I don't know why, but I feel more legit or something. I did send Karen at The Naked Ovary a quilt square, a few months ago. Does that count? Anyway, I'll try to be better, because now I know how gratifying it is to have a comment. It's kind of funny, I don't think much about people reading this blog, more about people I don't want reading it. I haven't even decided if I want D to know where to find it. I told my friend D about it, but keep "forgetting" to give her the URL. Maybe she'll forget about it, too.
