Labor Negotiations

IP Dream

I have three posts started, so expect a flurry here in a few days, but for now, I wanted to write down a strange, vivid dream I had last night.

I was at a Mothers of Twins Club dinner (which is funny, because I've been to two, and decided, who are these women who have time to go to dinners?) One of the members came up to me with a friend from out of town. This woman had been reading my blog and based on pictures and circumstances, thought that we might have used the same donor. She wanted to know if I would agree to a DNA test to find out. I said, "Wouldn't it be an easier start if I just told you our donor's name?" She nodded, I told her, and she started to cry, wen she realized she was right. Then she went off in a corner and continued to cry. I thought about leaving her a note with my contact information (which she probably would have had, since she found me at a MOTC dinner, but hey, I'm not always logical in my dreams) But finally, in a moment of bitchiness, with regard to her strange behavior, I walked up to her, and told her she was making a spectacle of herself, that these women didn't even know that I had used donor eggs, but thanks for outing me to them, and that I was sorry she wasn't open to letting her child know about the existence of half siblings. The End.

Weird. But I think it is because I have been spending too much time on a donor egg message board where, it seems, most of the women are in the "no tell" camp. I guess I just can't understand this. Don't they think that in this day and age, with DNA testing for disease, crime and all sorts of other things, that their children will eventually find out? Personally, I can't imagine a day like that. And don't get me started on the women who don't want to tell their pediatrician or their OB. Jeez, they have privacy laws for a reason. The people who I trust with the health of my family need to have a full picture. I think it is my children's right to know everything I can tell them about the wonderful woman who helped us create a family. It will just be a part of their story. Mommy's eggs were going bad, so this very nice lady gave mommy and daddy some of her eggs to use. I will suffer any consequences, from them, because I know that I didn't lie, at least. And hey, they wouldn't even be here, if we didn't do the donor egg cycle. Frankly, I would love a chance to meet our donor's other IPs and their children. The more the merrier! If there is one regret, its that they will probably never know them.

OK. Off my high horse, now. Sorry for the rant, or if I personally insulted you. They are always pussyfooting around the topic over there. Someone needed to at least say it.

Now, if I can figure out a way to tell the inlaws. If they weren't so gossipy and judgemental! Maybe I'll let the kids tell them some day...hee hee.

p.s. Here is a great book by Carolina Nadel, that I plan to get for our girls to help explain their conception.

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday to you...
Happy birthday to you...
Happy birthday dear D...
Happy birthday to you!
(and many more...)

I hope this is the best birthday present I've ever given you, sweet husband of mine! (and I don't mean the Sirius satellite radio!)

12dp3dt HCG: 448 (doubling time of 1.37 days)
                P4:   52

Happy 39th birthday!

Ultrasound on July 7th at 7 weeks 2 days. How will I ever wait that long??? At least its with a perinatologist...

Thanks for all the good wishes. I'm still in shock. I certainly never thought I'd be in this position after more than six years, 5 IUI's, 3 fresh IVF's, 1 FET, and 1 fresh IVF with a GC. I need to go process this and mull over the name "Paul" and variations thereof.

I take it all back Doogie...

10dp3dt HCG: 164 P4: 56. I think it worked. Pardon me while I faint...

Why Dr. Howser, I stand corrected. (now with pictures!)

8dp3dt

9dp3dt

The first one. I love you ClearBlue Easy!

You knew the temptation would eventually get me, right? So, Friday, back home, while at the drugstore picking up a refill of Folplex (that I let run out in SA!), I told D I was heading over to the "feminine products" aisle. I've always wanted a reason to try the digital HPT's, and now was my chance. I picked up the ClearBlue Easy digital 3 pack and a FRER 3 pack. And went on about my day.

At 4:30 a.m. the jet lag finally kicked in, and I was up for the morning. And I really had to pee. I decided to test. The digital blinked a little, and came up with the phrase Not Pregnant. The FRER had, what I could only interpret as an evaporation line. I mean you would really have to squint and bullshit yourself into thinking there was anything there, at all. Then I ejected the digital stick. There were two lines. What the hell was that all about?

Of course, I went to the computer and got on Pee on a stick dot com* since I had no idea how to interpret any of this, being an HPT novice**. All references said not to pay any heed if you get two lines, because the digitals measure LH, too. Then I started thinking. Should I even have any LH? I've been on Depot Lupron for 3 cycles, and I didn't ovulate, or use any gonadatropins. Hope started to creep in.

This morning, we had a hellatious thunderstorm, so jet lag or no, at 3:30 a.m. I was up again and I had to go. This time I had the foresight to pee in a cup. I lay the digital, flat on the counter, and it started to blink. Then I bumped it, and right when I did, the result popped up. Pregnant. I thought  I must have jiggled it and made it defective, but then the FRER started to show a very pale 2nd line, too. Did I mention that the electricity was out and I was doing this by flashlight? I decided I needed 'Ol Eagle Eyes to take a look. His eagle eyes bugged out a little. I told him we would need to go to the drugstore and get a few more brands. He groggily agreed.

We picked up EPT Certainty digital, Walgreen's One Step, and regular Clearblue Easy. All 3-packs. $59 poorer, we returned home.

When I got there, I dipped each brand in the 45 minute-old pee. The EPT flashed for a minute or so and came up Pregnant. The ClearBlue Easy gave me a pale plus sign. And the Walgreen's brand gave me a slightly darker plus sign. H-E-L-L-O.

I have decided to go ahead with the beta on Tuesday, not Wednesday. Could this really be happening? God knows there are still major hurdles to get over, but for today we are happy. It sure would be nice to kiss Dr. L's ass and have my US clinic, kiss mine.

By the way, I did find anecdotal evidence that supports the idea that sometimes in a very young IVF patient under 25, the embryos sometimes cleave faster, perhaps because of the energy stored in the younger cell nucleus. This supports Liana's comment and experience. Anyway, it's a thought. And it kept me going all week. Thank you for that.

*I went to Dollar Tree today and bought the last three, highly recommended, New Choice tests for $1 each, so I'll have a 6th one for the biology loo tomorrow morning...

**IVF #1 Dec 2002 Didn't HPT, because the nurse said not to (needless to say, I don't listen to every word they say anymore, as a matter of fact, I didn't even have a nurse this cycle) Shame I didn't test, because that cycle was a chemical and might have at least gotten a positive at home.

IVF#2 March 2003 HPT'd but only bought one brand, FRER or was it FRED?

IVF#3(freeze all)/FET#1 July 2003/October 2003 FRER/FRED again

IVF#4 July 2005 GC used a FRER/FRED

I now know that FRER/FRED's are the palest and biggest mind-fuck HPT's on the market...never again.

I promise pictures and restaurant reviews to come soon!

Out of Africa*

*Sorry, I couldn't resist, and I'm not feeling very creative...

I'm sitting in that wing chair one last time, waiting for our airport transfer to arrive in an hour and a half. I have the window open, and I can hear the waves crashing on the rocky beach. I'm anxious to get home. I really miss my dogs and cats, and can't wait to cuddle my little, gimpy dachshund, especially. Yet, I'm also wistful, and reluctant to leave. And its not just that I'm dreading the flight. I look at the ancient Atlantic, and I think back to my biological anthropology class, that pounded home, the idea that all life originated from the sea. Not so jokingly referred to as, Evolution 101, in my Bible Belt university. I think of all the micro-organisms floating in that vast ocean, thriving (at least for now...what with the global warming and all) and I wonder why life doesn't thrive in me or in so many of my online friends. Such unbelievably sad news all around this past week. I'm afraid to say that I'm too tired to go on, if it doesn't work, this time. My ass is sore, my stomach is one big welt, and I have the usual crap shoot odds to deal with this week. And I really hate my US clinic, where I'm just a number and the "cha-ching" noise. Mr. Hot Shot adoption lawyer is looking pretty good, about now. I'm not even tempted to POAS, I'm so convinced that I didn't beat "the house," again. I decided on Monday, that if these embryos wanted to stick around, they were going to have to prove it. I wasn't going to lay around and waste the four most beautiful days we've had down here. We made the most of it. I didn't do anything more strenuous than walk, but we had some of the best meals and experiences of the trip. The lobster alone, at Mariner's Wharf, last night in Hout Bay, and walk on the beach at twilight, was worth the whole trip! And the passion fruit ice cream from Sinnful in Camps Bay? Yeah...good times. So, I bid South Africa adieu, and hope to return again someday, under better circumstances. Soon I'll be back to my own IP service that doesn't die out on me in the middle of an email and lets me comment on LiveJournal blogs. Pictures from the trip and restaurant reviews to come this weekend...

Same ol. Same ol.

From the laptop in bed:

Now this cycle is getting more familiar...We got the call this morning, that they wanted us to come in today at 2:00 for transfer. Only two (?!) were looking really good, and the other seven were slowing down (?!). After we got to the clinic, we met with Doogie, who was running the whole show on a Saturday, virtually by himself (?!). He told us about the 2 that were basically morulas at this point, two more that were four cells, and the other five were three cells or less. I asked if I could put four in, and he said no. He also said that we probaby wouldn't have anything to freeze, unless magically, the slowpokes became morulas by tomorrow. They don't freeze the crap embryos for overseas patients, anymore. Too many disappointments, I guess. We transferred the two morulas, which he said looked very good, and one of the four cells. None of the nine had fragmentation to speak of. Assisted hatching was not done. I also didn't get any valium. And I asked. The transfer was fairly easy, according to him, but I was a little pinchy, nonetheless. I think he probably caught onto the fact that I started the Lovenox, weeks ago, instead of last night, when he saw the lovely, tropical, purple and green flower, that is my belly button. He didn't say anything, but "Oh, the Clexane...Torturous!" After waiting fifteen minutes in a prone position (not tilted), I dressed, and D and I walked back to his office where we received our instructions and paid the bill. Credit card run by the man, himself. And that's that.

I wish I could say I feel hopeful, but I don't. At all. I keep thinking of my friend S's day three transfer a few years ago, that I accompanied her to. This was at my US clinic, which, as I've said, is arguably the #1 clinic in the country. Everyone knows its really the lab and embryologists that make the difference there. Anyway, S and I were initially pretty excited that she had so many eight cell or higher embryos. The embryologist explained (and I trust him) that they are really hoping to see only eight cells on day three. More cells usually indicate chromosomal issues and less than eight is a quality issue. A morula has to be worse than a 12 cell, right? I've also done my own informal study. I used to keep a chart on a popular IVF bulletin board for women from my clinic. It always seemed that the ones that transferred the perfect or nearly perfect, eight cells, were the ones who got pregnant. If they transferred 2 eight cells they got twins. My memory is a little spotty, but I believe one of S's three embryos was a seven cell, and she was initially pregnant with triplets, losing one at about nine weeks. Was it the seven cell? I'll always wonder. I know she's reading, so maybe she'll weigh in. She's the research queen, to boot.

I can't really see coming back down here if it doesn't work. I can say I had a lovely vacation, though, which is mainly why we took the chance here. I guess our next step is to really put the screws to the US clinic. We'll also probably have additional testing for D. We just can't understand why else these 21 year-old eggs, that have gotten two other couples pregnant, turned to such rough-looking embryos, for us. My luck, I guess.

We leave Wednesday night. Pretty much resting until then. He wants a beta on the 13th, which is good holiday-wise, but a day early, according to my past betas. I'll probably just do it, as asked, to get it over with.

The good kind of Limbo

Sorry. The Blackberry was only good for checking my email. Just got back from our "safari," which by the way, totally lived up to my expectations (which are high) and was great. The cottages were cute, and we had the Honeymoon suite. And I loved the little eco-friendly toiletries with tiny corks. As D says, I'm a marketing executive's wet dream. Packaging. I practically majored in it.

Anyhoo...we got the fertilization call yesterday, while lunching at a little German restaurant in Worcester. Strange, little industrial-looking town, but the burgers were good. Of the fourteen, eleven were mature/or icsi-able (not clear) and nine fertilized. And we were really excited about that. I mean we knew that this clinic has a really conservative stim protocol for donors, so anything over eight or nine eggs would be great. Nine embryos is really great. Quality over quantity. The embryologist did say that we would be having a Saturday transfer, though. And that was fine, too. I've never had anything else, except that crappy day 2 FET back in October of 2003, so go with what you know, right? We're driving back to Cape Town, today, and my donor coordinator calls, and says Doogie has been trying to reach me all day, and could she try to find me? I immediately panic (although not more than D, we call that the "Mary Lee" gene)(MIL...) And call the clinic. They know exactly who I am, right away, and ask me to please give him a call on his cell phone. (THAT would NEVER happen at #1 clinic in the US, I might add) I ask if anything is wrong, and they assure me, no. I reach him, and he recognizes my voice (is it that Mid-Western?) He just wants me to know that he is still considering going to blast. They're still going strong, and he wants to take a look at them in the morning. If only two are looking excellent, we'll have transfer tomorrow at 2:00 SA time. But if they're all doing well, it could still be Monday. I just have a feeling we're going to blast. I did tell him that I didn't want him to have a fight on his hands, while I was strapped to the stirrups, but I'm going to want three transfered. He nervously laughed and groaned at the same time, and said we could discuss it, but he would transfer what I felt comfortable with. I just said, if it were only egg quality we were dealing with for my diagnosis, I'd be fine with two. But I've got all those implantation issues and three (with my own eggs and uterus) failures under my belt. Not to mention the freaking strangest, cushiest 15mm+ lining, that I'm petrified is converting, it's been holding on for so long. (I peed a river last night and Wednesday night, and thought I was losing my estrogen bloat, but hopefully, it was the Medrol)

So, that's the scoop. I'll update again tomorrow.

(Psst...If you have a LiveJournal blog, I haven't been able to comment for weeks, on the PC or the Mac at home, for some reason. I hope you're all doing well)

Eggcited for a change

14! Fourteen! We got 14 eggs today! Doogie says they look so great, that he might take them to blast, if the fertilization rate is good. I've never heard those words before. The donor is doing great and apparently did a little hop this morning when she found out. We will be in the wilderness tomorrow, but I will try to post a fert report from our safari cottage on D's blackberry. If not, then I will post Friday evening. Transfer will either be Saturday morning or Monday morning. I wish I had that extra week down here on the tail end of the trip instead of the fore. Oh well, I'll just have to rest and not lift a finger at the airport.

Today, we went to Kirstenbosch Gardens, lunch at the V & A Waterfront, then shopping at Century City, the largest shopping mall in the Southern Hemisphere. I found a foam mattress pad (!), so I will be in heaven tonight. We were supposed to go to Robben Island, but they canceled our ferry due to fog (smog?). Such bad luck trying to get there. We may have one more chance on Sunday, if transfer is Monday. Hold thumbs, as they say.

Days of wine and estradiol

Well, its not like I've heard from the clinic about it, but my donor coordinator let me know that my donor, did indeed, trigger last night. Again with the "lots of follicles." Isn't that a relative term? So, maybe the doctor will call today, to let us know about tomorrow. But, if he doesn't, we are planning on getting D down to the clinic before 9:00 a.m. for his part, as discussed last week. He had the choice of bringing his essence across town in a cup, or taking advantage of the "room" at the clinic. I "gently" suggested that he use the room, for freshness. Porn is porn.

Sunday, we drove down to Cape Point and The Cape of Good Hope. I was promised baboons, but didn't see any. Lovely drive, though. Yesterday, we took the cable way up Table Mountain, (quite an accomplishment for someone who is a little clausterphobic AND agoraphobic) had calimari at a stand and then we had a great dinner at The African Cafe. Touristy, but authentic (I think?) Kind of the Casa Bonita of Cape Town, D2. Today, we are going on the wine tour of Stellenbosch, Franschoek, and Paarl. Tomorrow we will try Robben Island again (after D's donation) Thursday and Friday we are planning an overight "safari" to see 4 of The Big 5. No elephants, but the cottages were cuter! Saturday is the big day. Hopefully, I'll have a retrieval and fertilization report, before that, but then again, maybe they don't fly like that down here...

Words to live by: When doing IVF, it's better to bleed from the head than from the vagina

I would have updated sooner, but Doogie Howser forgot to call me after my donor's first scan, Thursday, and I got caught up in the complexities of my rented cell phone. He responded to my email today and she's doing well. No E2 level or number of follicles to report, just "lots." Ahem. Looking at egg retrieval on Wednesday, now. Apparently, she gets to choose her own day, as the donor coordinator (who lives on a street called "Beta," no lie) told me she (the donor) is taking Wednesday off. As I see it, they have the whole thing planned already. She doesn't have another scan until Monday, so the earliest she could trigger is Monday, which makes retrieval on Wednesday. Why even bother with scans, is my question. I think we got down here a week early for nothing, really. We could have done this trip in about 7 or 8 days, plus 3 days for travel. Oh well. At least we can do the wine tour on Tuesday, after all.

So to recap, May 31st for retrieval, June 3rd for transfer, fly out on June 7th, and arrive home on June 8th. Beta is on June 14th. Flag Day. A lesser holiday, to be sure, but one that my family has always observed, because it is ALSO my mother's birthday, and she demanded it. D's birthday is the next day, which would have been worse. So, looks like I didn't get off scott free from holidays for this cycle...but as a wise person said to me yesterday, "every day is a holiday somewhere in the world."

Thursday, we tried driving. The driving part wasn't so bad. A couple of tense moments when I politely asked D to refrain from veering towards parked cars on the left. But the real problems came because of my stupidity. First, we went over to our donor coordinator's house for a cup of tea, and as I hung my purse on the back of a chair, I knew that I would forget it. Guess who went to pull some Rand out of their purse a couple of hours later at the entrance to Chapman's Peak? Much freaking out ensued. We drove back, she wasn't there. We used the housekeeper's phone to call the donor coordinator, and picked up the goddamned thing. Then, we decided to at least drive back up that way to have our picnic lunch and not have the whole day be shot. The wind caught my hair, momentarily blinded me, and I walked straight into a sharp, low-hanging tree limb. At first, I thought I was just going to pass out, so I sat down for a sec. The next thing I know, blood is pouring down my face. Fucking Lovenox. We scrap the day, and head back to our comfy pants and wave-watching from those two wing chairs in our lodge.

Yesterday, we had lunch with the divine Tertia at the V & A Waterfront. She is just as gorgeous in real life as she is on her blog. More so. She is the Welcome Wagon for Cape Town, so if you are in the area or thinking of coming here, you must look her up! And my God, I've had a lot of hits since she linked me. The woman is famous...Later, we saw "The Da V1nci Code," and had dinner at Blues. So so.

Today, we thought we might drive into wine country. But after checking with the "Wine Desk" at a visitor's information center, we got a little spooked about driving and drinking, and wineries closing early, etc., etc. and decide to take an organized tour on Tuesday, instead. Then we thought we'd head to Robben Island to see the prison where Nelson Mandela was kept for so long. But they want you to book your ferry ride 24 hours in advance. I haven't been thinking ahead, that far yet, so that will have to wait, too. It is important to both of us, so it will happen. We went to the aquarium and had a yummy Belgian lunch instead. Mussels, rabbit, pommes frites and chocolate mousse to die for. My dad would be proud. Tomorrow, we are driving to the Cape of Good Hope. Hopefully we can still squeeze a game preserve visit in, after egg retrieval.

Congrats to Katie, Pamplemousse, Jenn, Alex and Thalia. Hopefully, Sue and I can bring up the rear. 60% chance.